Week 3 - 6 Week Clean Eating Challenge
Food is constantly on my mind, not always in a bad way. It's not that I am always thinking about cravings and junk food. Often it's about healthy meals, food prep, when my next meal is coming etc. But good or bad food is almost always on my mind. It's like a huge weight on my shoulders, a constant pressure.
I have always thought it was junk food that had this control on me and if I could just start eating better then I could break that hold. But now I am starting to realize, that isn't the only piece of the puzzle. Whether I am eating clean, or eating junk, I am always worried about when my next meal will come. During the week it's pretty easy and routine, but having plans on the weekends or even the evenings really throws me off, and sends me into freak out mode. Should I eat before? What should I eat before? Should I bring snacks? Which should I bring? Are we going to a restaurant? Can I check the menu first? Are we going to someone's house and will there be food there? Will it be healthy? Should I try to resist the junk, or should I just give in for today? The thoughts about food are endless and just consume me.
Then I asked myself why...why am I so afraid of being hungry? It's not like I have ever been in a situation when I didn't know where my next meal is coming from. I know a lot of families deal with that, but we didn't. We always had food, I have loving parents, a good home a great supportive family. I don't know why I am afraid of being hungry, but I now it's there.
What's the worst thing that could happen if I am hungry...I would feel uncomfortable, my stomach would growl, I might become irritable? Worse things could happen to me...worse things have happened to me. So in this little epiphany I had I decided that I need to face my fear. I have been trying to control my fear for so long, keep it at bay, but then I remembered a quote that had resonated with me, but that I have not truly embraced...