I didn't mean to write a poem, but I was having a bad day, I gave into my emotions and ate junk.
When I'm feeling bad I often like to write in my journal. I didn't have my journal today, but I did have this blog so I figured I may as well write about my experience here. What it turned into was a poem. I was trying to write about how I feel when I have a junk food binge like today. I kinda did that, and I still intend to write a post (probably many) about emotional eating, but for now I guess this post is my poem about junk food.
I must admit, I am very nervous about posting this. First of all, I am no writer, and I am definitely not a poet. But really, I am nervous for people to see my struggle with food because my struggle is real, and it's hard for me to admit that because I feel like I should be stronger than food. It's been a struggle for as long as I can remember, seriously cheese and cheetos were my kryptonite as a kid. But that is for another day. For now, here is my poem. Comment below if you can relate, let me know I'm not alone!
Oh junk food, you are always there for me.
When I am happy, you celebrate with me.
When I am sad, you comfort me.
When I am angry, you soothe me.
You are always there,
you are never too busy,
you always listen and never interrupt.
You do your best to make me feel good.
But, the second you are gone, you leave me feeling
The truth, the hard honest truth...
is that you don't comfort me,
you don't soothe,
you don't make me feel better.
In fact you make me feel worse,
you make me feel sorry for myself,
you make me feel bad about myself,
you make me feel less of myself.
I hate you,
I hate that I long for you when I am feeling... more of... anything.
I hate that I try so hard to stay away from you,
but find myself falling back into your trap.
I hate that I let you have this hold on me.
I know it's not really you,
it's the sugar and the chemicals,
they are like drugs,
but quicker, and the effect doesn't last as long,
which makes me only want you more,
to get that high back,
to feel those fake feelings that mimic endorphins
that trick me into thinking you are a good thing.
You have this hold on me,
this hold I can't seem to break.
Even when I avoid you for a long time,
you are still there, calling to me, pulling me in.
Most of the time I don't even enjoy you,
yet my mind thinks that I need you.
My body doesn't want you,
but the chemicals make my head think that I do.
But no more...
I am going to beat you.
I am going to win.
Will it be easy?
Will I fall back into your trap now and then?
But I will get back up again and keep fighting.
Because I have to.
Because I want to be as healthy as I can be.
Because I want to be a positive example for my kids.
Because I want to feel good about myself.
Because I deserve to treat myself better.
Because I only have one life, and I need to enjoy it.
Because I am worth it.
Because my family is worth it.
Because I want to be happy.
Because I want to feel good.
Because...I have to.